I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Text me some of your sweat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
