But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
