I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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