but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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