I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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