good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
