is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
