She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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