I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
