how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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