Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
