I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found the puke drawer
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
