I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
