A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
