I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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