i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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