i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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