so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
