i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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