Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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