The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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