You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
