Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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