if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
