Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
