girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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