Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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