Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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