i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
