Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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