he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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