I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
