How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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