Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize