Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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