i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
