when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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