the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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