Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
