Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
