I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
