Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
