she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
