how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
