You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
