dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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