You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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