I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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