You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
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Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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