why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
