I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
