we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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