i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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