But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
