32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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