I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
