Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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