I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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