thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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