Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
