Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
