Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
