just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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