I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
