can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
