Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
