i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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