it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
