im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
