We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
