If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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